Forgiveness: Forgiveness is the refusal to hurt the one who hurt you.
I realized lately that, I have problems forgiving people. I haven't forgiven the people who have wronged me and that has left bitterness and hate in my heart. I've been hurt and wronged so many times and as I go down the list of people I dislike, I dislike them only because they did something to me and I haven't forgiven them.
I recently lost 2 of my closest friends, people in my life whom I've never been closer too. For the last 2 months I've managed to go from happiness to depression to grieving to forgetting to denial to acceptance and now from penance to forgiveness.
Recently I was able to step outside the box of Jon and look on it and see what needed to be done. (cue the Lightbulb turning on) With that I had an Ah-Ha moment. I realized that I JON BLACK, needed to take charge from both sides of the spectrum of Forgiveness inorder to repair the damage and bitterness in my heart. I realized that it takes more out of you to be bitter and resentful towards people than it is to fully forgive them with all you have in you.
My 2 friends are people who mean a lot too me, and their friendship means more to me than anything. If you ask people from CYT Denver or AHS Theatre or even AHS Administration you'll discover they all say the same thing about me. "Jon Black cares more about his friendships more than anything." I like to pride myself on my friendships because when you have friends who you can make memories with, or enjoy spending time with, or even enjoy watching a horrible movie and mocking it through out, you want to keep those relationships going.
I've done terrible, horrible, no good, very bad things in my life. I mean who hasn't? We're all human! We all do things we wish we could take back and avoid the mess we created. But what we need to do is look at that mess and see how it can be cleaned up.
I realized have been seeking forgiveness from the wrong people and not giving them my own forgiveness. I read an article today that branches on Forgiveness from the Psychological approach.
http://www.guidetopsychology.com/forgive.htm#2
It helped me see how forgiveness is a process that includes emotions and not just words. Today is the day that Jon Black begins to forgive and reconcile with those people he knows have wronged him. While at the same time I will be seeking the forgiveness of those I have wronged. My only hope is that those 2 friends, from both side of the spectrum, will do what it takes to make the friendship continue.
From words of the Heart,
JB
